Please I need a candid advise because am fed up and confused at same time.It all started in 2011 when I met my wife through my collegue in the bank. I used to work in operations and hardly have time to truly search for a wife, that is what I thought back then. So I had this collegue of mind who appears responsible and is also a church worker in a responsible church, not all these money making churchs. so I confided in him.
On one day he came to me that he has this lady where he normally goes to worship atimes that he will take me to meet her, that she is God fearing, a church worker and her father is a pastor in one of the northern states, which he did and introduced us and gradually we started dating.
I even took her to see my parent, to their amazement she woke up around 4am and swept and cleaned the house before we could even wake up for morning prayers.
When my Dad saw this he was really please and was like this truly is wife material. But my Mum warned that we should not conclude yet oh, as per girls of nowadays...
My mum said that we should keep praying. At first I wanted us to do our traditional marriage in April 2012 and after that white wedding but she started indirectly pressuring me that we should do trad in August and white in November, 2011. I thought about it, and with my open mind I said to myself that since she seems nice and am ready to marry I will do it.
I agreed and we got married in 2011. We did both court and church marriage, immediately we came back from honey moon my life has been one hell of a life or another. It began when my former collegue in the bank sent her sister to bring her cv to me in case we are recruiting so that I can submit for her. So the lady called later to thank me for the assistance and my wife was with me in the sitting room, it was around 7-8pm.
After the call my wife started quarreling, that who is that lady calling me that am cheating on her, she went inside the room and brought out our wedding cert. that she will tear it and that we should go our separate ways. I became shocked, I then told her that she can take the lady’s number or I can call the lady in her presence, that I don’t even know the lady. I did not even have the lady number in my phone, the lady collected my number to follow up and that is all.
I left her with my phones and entered the room. This was happening barely a month and a half after our wedding. As the days go by she started bringing different quarrels and problem. After like a year two month into the marriage, one faithful Friday night after I came back from work and I was fast asleep she woke me up around 11pm that we should talk, and I told her that if we can leave it till morning knowing fully well that the next day was Saturday unless if the matter is between life and death then I can wait.
She said it is not between life and death but was insisting that we talk... before I knew it she brought out a knife and wanted to stab me so I manage to collect the knife and threw it into the wardrobe.
By then the sleep in my eyes cleared immediately and I was like what is the matter, what is wrong or what wrong have I done to her, up till today she has not given me an answer. She stood there speechless so I assume all is well then as I was going tom bed she took one of her high heel and struck me behind my head, I fell down and went blank.
After that the pastor and her people intervened and talked to her. I went to that my colleague that introduced her to me that what does he know about her that I may not know. He said she told him in confidence that she was in a cult in the university and that her boyfriend then was the capon. She also told him that the boyfriend was shot in school then and died in her arms. When I confronted her she down played everything and wanted to pick a quarrel, so that one died down.
This my wife has a boutique that she sells men wears in Abuja. She hardly laughs but before we got married she was always laughing. I have severally asked her what the matter is but she will say it's nothing. Before now I did not know that the lady I married as a wife is a runs girl. After our baby’s birth in December 2012, my wife went and did family planning without my consent, it was in the evening when the stuff started disturbing her that I got to know.
In August last year that is 2014, I was watching news when she came back by 9:30pm, she started making it a habit of coming late in 2014 and that has caused serious quarrel between us. So when she came in she dropped her phone on the center table and went inside to take her shower.
As I was watching the television I now said let me go through her gallery because she likes taking pictures, after that I now checked her messages. I was shocked what I saw:
She sent a text to a married man, saying that she cursed him with the sperm he poured inside her and the man replied her that it was mutual, that she is the one came to his house to collect money for the shoes and shirts he bought, he also said he will curse her with his children’s life that she is not the only one that has a child and insisted that the sex they had was mutual.
At that point my hands started shaking and before I knew it she jumped out of the bathroom with soap on her body to take her phone (she mistakenly dropped it). Immediately she came to the sitting room and saw me with her phone she frozed for like 15 seconds not knowing what to say; I asked her who the man is and she CLAIMED it was one of her friends from Owerri that used her phone to chat with the man.
But when I checked the chat history it was not just one day chat it spans four days because the chat was very lengthy. I was pissed off, I reported the issue to the pastor where we got married and he down play it that she cannot do such a thing...
Since then, my wife turned around and started saying things like she is suspecting me, that am having am affair. I asked her how, she said a man that does not drink alcohol and does not smoke will surely womanise. I dismissed her allegations because I have done nothing of such, and truly since I married her four years ago I have never torched any woman aside her.
To cut a long stry short, February this year as usual during valentine I took her to a shop and asked her to pick whatever she wants. She picked cloths and shoes worth 70k and I paid. After that February ending, I usually give her 50k for upkeep, so that day I had kept the 50k but there was a plumbing problem that I had to take 5k out of it to solve so I gave her 45k promising to bring the balance home or I credit her, and that faithful morning we were having a meeting in which a top official is coming from head office and my head of operations was not around so I was sitting in for her.
I asked my wife to help me take our daughter to school that day as I have to rush to the office before time. After giving my wife the 45k she threw it on the floor that it is not enough and started insulting me that what kind of useless job is that, unknown to me she had gone and locked the entrance door and taken the key, as I was about to go out I discovered that the door was lock.
I called her aunty to talk to her, as she was on the phone with the aunt I went through the back door. As I was about to drive out I saw my wife rushing to close the gate with only pant and singlet, I mean pant and singlet not bump short or rapper (in a big compound of 8 flats with other neighbours around). I was surprise, but before she could close the gate I had already passed she now took a big stone and stared running after the car.
She threw the stone at my suv, it sounded like a bomb very loud. at first I did not know what happened until I saw her running towards the car so I stopped, she now came and held my side mirror and started breaking it so I had to drive off. I was devastated and could not make it to work, so I called someone in the office that I won’st be able to make it to the office that am having some issues at home.
She went back to the house and called my Dad that if I come back she will kill me. My dad called me and I explained to him immediately what happened, so he said I should not go back home that day, I went and slept in a hotel in town. So the next day her mum came and I went home.
Now it is not that am afraid of her but because I respect women and will not want to beat her; I am far bigger and taller than her if I decide to cough she will vanish so is not that am afraid of her, am only respecting the marriage institution. When I got home the second day to resume work the third day I discovered that my wife had tore all my cloths, my shirt both office and casuals, all my suit including my wedding suit. I had nothing to wear the next day.so I missed work Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
While all these were happening I have been in touch with my office and told them am having some family issues and could not make it to work.
I resumed the next Monday to work and everything seem to be going well, then on Tuesday I got a sack letter from human resources of the bank. Unkonwn to me, the new manager that was posted to my branch got a query for myself and the head of operations not being around for the initial meeting. So he was angry and he wrote to the bank’s human resources and when they checked that I was not logged on for the three days I was sacked, all because of my wife.
Most times she sends abusive texts messages to me while in the office. For instance if am attending to customers and she is calling and I did not pick on time she will now send a nasty text that I deliberately do't want to pick her calls. I have even told her to come and see how we work in my office so she could let me be.
Since march am yet to get any serious thing to do. In January I had N2.5m I paid our rent N1m and part pay for a land 1m and the remaining 500k lasted us from march till June. As usual with banks, I was not paid anything. So when my savings finished in june the major financial burden fell on her, with little coming from me.
Since then my wife has made my life a living hell with all sorts of insult. For example in November, there was nothing in the house so she went to southern fries and bought rice and chicken for herself, then bought a watery Oha Soup that I should make garri and eat with it. It was when I wanted to microwave it that I discovered that it was watery and has no meat, I did not say anything.
Most times I stay back at home unless I have an appointment or an interview just not to spend unnecessary.Recently, I opened one of the cupboard in my room and I saw somethings she got from a native doctor, they include a bottle of concoction with the label witches and wizards destroying oil, the second one was two of her bathing soap with burnt candle on it when I looked at the soap closely I saw small cross buried inside,the third thing I saw was the complimentary card of the native doctor.
All these things I just mentioned are real and I have their pictures that I snapped. I picked them and went to her uncle's place to show him and he was mad, he immediately called her parents to come to Abuja again and I called my parents to come too because I told them I don’t want the marriage again. Both parties came and the meeting lasted from 5pm to 12 midnight and continued again the next day.
She could not defend herself and I said am not doing again and everyone started begging that I should give her one more chance, and it seems the issues were resolved. I started investigation and discovered that unknown to me, my wife is a runs girl even before I married her and after marriage she continued. That is why she went and did family planning without my knowledge so that she can be sleeping with men without condom and not get pregnant.
This days she dresses very suggestively. I have reported to the pastor, her parent about her dressing but she has not changed. Presently she is fighting with a lady in her former church the lady, is a leader in the church. She said the lady has been attacking her in the dream and anytime the lady sees her the lady calls her prostitute. She claimed that the lady is sleeping with her pastor.
My wife has bad mouth and insults me and neighbours at every provocation, she hardly laugh, always moody but when some kind of men call her she will be laughing as if tomorrow no dey.
On this Christmas day 2015, as we were preparing to go to church, she was feeding our daughter who just turned 3 last week. Because the baby was being slow to eat my wife started shouting that if the baby does not eat quickly, she will injure her. When I heard that I came and told her that such statement to a baby is not good,I have cautioned her severally not to be telling the baby that she will injure her, because there was a day I was playing with our baby and the baby was telling me that she will injure me (she copied that talk from my wife).
After I cautioned her, instead of my wife to take correction she started insulting me; that am useless, that the whole burden is on her that she regrets marrying me, that she will surprise me one of these days.
My dear brothers and sisters, especially the married ones, I frankly need help as I am tired of this kind of marriage I found myself. I want to end this union due to her bad and unrepentant character and her evil ways, but I am still looking at Christian marriage in terms of divorce as I ultimately want to make heaven just as every one.
Thank you for taking your time to go through my ordeal. I don't know how to resolve this big trouble.
- A seriously troubled married man
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