My husband is in his mid 50s and I am 48. It’s over three years since we made love and I’ve suggested that he sees a specialist but he won’t, he shrugs that the specialist will only say that at our age, that type of thing stops.
I know that s*x is an important issue in marriage. I find myself being flippant and sarcastic with him and this leads to arguments. My husband said that if s*x meant that much to me, I should have an affair if I could find someone and that I should just be discreet about it. Well, maybe I should...
But I love my husband even though I don't want to live a celibate life for the rest of my years.
- Ladunni from Lagos
Below is Bunmi Sofola's response to the disturbed married woman:
Dear Ladunni,
Impotence can be an early indicator of disease, so it is really important that you consult his doctor. He can prescribe Viagra or some other medications that will help maintain an ere-ction, if that seems appropriate. Ask him to seek medical advice to protect his well being as well as your marriage.
Although the frequency with which we make love declines as we leave our 20s, men and women in good health can have s*x far into their old age.
If it turns out that love making is something you and your partner will never again or seldom be able to enjoy, both of you need to come to terms with that reality in a way that deepens your loving bond.
A couple may face this challenge at any age... He is afraid that if he can no longer make love to you, he may be rejected as inadequate. You too fear being abandoned and the end of your marriage.
Despite your rationalism and the sense that you miss having s*x, your need is only for reassurance that you have not become undesirable to men or to the man you married. Accept that you will not part. In the meantime, find ways to share intimacy that won’t depend on s*xual intercourse with him.
S*x is a tide that ebbs and flows in a relationship.
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